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.You don’t think about us.” Ash started to protest, but she put her hand on his chest.“Don’t say anything.I just need some time alone.Can you take care of the kids?”He nodded, and she pushed past him and hurried to their bedroom before he could respond.Ash stayed at the stove at first, but then he took the oatmeal off the heat and sat beside his daughter at the table.“Are you in trouble, Baba?”“Yeah, kiddo, I’m in big trouble.”* * *Hannah came out of the bedroom about half an hour later.By that time, Ash had fed the kids and done the dishes.Helping out around the house didn’t make up for being an ass, but hopefully it showed that he was trying.The two of them talked for a few minutes, but it would take a lot more than a conversation to resolve things.He had suhoor, the predawn meal during Ramadan, and then said dawn prayers right before the sun rose.Given Madison’s shooting the night before, Ash didn’t know how his day would go.He hadn’t fired a shot, but the department’s brass still could put him on leave until he saw a psychiatrist.Ash didn’t want that or think it necessary, but there wasn’t much he could do to fight it.On the other hand, a visit to a psychiatrist would do Eddie Alvarez some good.Ash left his house at a quarter to eight and drove into work.When he got there, he found the homicide squad’s conference room empty, so he took a seat at the head of the table and called Eddie Alvarez on his cell phone.“Hey, Eddie, it’s Ash Rashid.How you doing?”Alvarez yawned.“Fine, all considered.You?”“I’m good, thanks.I’m calling this morning because I need to talk to you about what you said last night.”“Yeah, I thought you might.It’s not going to happen again.You’re a superior officer, and you made the right call.I see that now.I won’t question your judgment again.”“That’s not why I’m calling,” said Ash.“Tell me again about Marisol, your girl when you were in the Peace Corps.”Alvarez grunted.“I’d rather not.I don’t even know why I told you about her last night.”“You told me about her because you were stressed out.How often do you think about her when you’re at work?”“Are you asking me as my superior officer or as a friend?”“Both.”“Well, I don’t think she’s any of your business either way.”Ash hadn’t wanted the conversation to go like this, but he had come in mentally prepared for it.“If she’s on your mind a lot, then your mind isn’t on work.That’s dangerous.You understand what I’m saying?”“I get it.It won’t happen again.I already said that.”“Aside from me, who knows about her?”“Nobody, not even my wife.”Ash nodded.“I need you to tell your CO.I also think you need to talk to somebody.I can make you an appointment with the station psychiatrist if you want.”Alvarez chuckled.“Are you serious?”“Yeah.”“Why?”“Because if your mind is on her, you’re a liability to everyone around you.Last night, you wanted to charge into a home, not knowing who was there, if he was armed, or even who he was with.You could have gotten us and the hostage killed.It was reckless.”Alvarez chuckled again, but Ash couldn’t detect merriment in the sound.“You’re seriously lecturing me? Mr.One-Eighty-Seven is calling me reckless?”“I’m not lecturing you.I’m saying you need some help.That’s it.” Ash paused.“And who’s Mr.One-Eighty-Seven?”“You.One-Eighty-Seven, it’s the section in the California penal code about murder.”Ash didn’t respond for a moment, trying to understand the reference.“First of all, we live in Indiana, so whoever calls me that watches too much TV.Second, I haven’t worked homicide in several years.”“People don’t call you that because you worked homicide.They call you that because you’re involved in so many.”Ash blinked and shook his head.“I don’t even know what to say to that.”“I told you something in confidence.I didn’t expect you to throw it back at me.Besides, I’m not the only man on this job with a past.I know what you did when your niece died
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