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. The one with Robbie? I asked, trying notto seem too interested. Yes, that one. She rolled her eyes. Are you happy now? Onemore person is on the Robbie is an asshole bandwagon. I never said Robbie was an asshole, I informed her, wishing Isounded as if I really meant the words.However, Linda knew the truth. Oh please, you guys have never gotten along and you know it.In her eyes, that was how she had always seen things betweenRobbie and me, though the truth was something much stranger thanfiction.I HAD taken Riley up on his offer to visit the Bear s Den and meet hisnew partner Robbie the weekend after he came to see me.The bar itselfdid not fill me with a warm fuzzy feeling when I pulled into the gravelparking lot, but I parked anyway.It looked like every bar in a moviewhere someone gets killed, raped, or both.I sat in my car for almost anhour trying to convince myself to open the door and get out.I refused to move.I knew if I got out of my car and walked in to the Bear s Den,everything would change.I was no longer curious; I was no longerconfused.If I walked through that doorway, I would no longer be somehomosexual version of Schroeder s cat is that right? Wait.Schroederwas the character from Peanuts.I meant Schrödinger s cat, which issome weird thought question they ask in physics.I have no idea what itreally means, but my roommate in college tried to explain it to meonce.You put this cat in a box with a vial of poison and close the box.Now as long as the box is closed the cat is not dead, which soundscrazy but it goes like this the cat is alive until someone sees it is dead,so the second it is observed it is made real.Until then, you can justguess that the cat is dead.I think.Anyway, getting out of the car was like that.If I never got out ofthe car, then I was never actually gay, but the second I opened the door,my gayness was a fact.I know that sounds like an incredibly stupid and Taking Chances 39cowardly way to look at it, but I still wasn t ready to say the words Iam gay out loud.So I sat in my car in the parking lot and tried to tellmyself it didn t matter if I walked into the bar or not, but my mindrefused to play along.Turns out nothing I said made a difference and after an hour, Istarted my car.Which, of course, was the exact moment Riley andRobbie pulled up in their car.I swear to you, I can t make this shit up.Fate just has too much time on her hands if she has time to set up thingslike that.They of course saw me, which meant if I left, I would have toexplain to them why I left, which would lead to me explaining that Iwas so far in the closet I had hanger marks on my back.Instead, I took a deep breath and got out of my car. You were going to chicken out, right? Riley asked as Islammed my door. You were just thinking about burning rubber out ofhere like a little girl. Shut up was all I could manage as a comeback. Right, he said, stifling a laugh. So Tyler, this is my partner,Robbie.Robbie, this is Tyler.If you had asked me before that night if I could tell if someonecame from Texas only by looking at them, I would have told you thewhole idea was stupid.People from Texas are not stereotypes with bigcowboy hats, boots, and faded jeans with a ring worn into their backpocket from where they kept their Skoal.We don t all speak with adrawl or use the word pardner, just for starters.When I see someone ina movie or on TV acting like that, I just roll my eyes.But one look at Robbie, and I knew he was from nowhere nearFoster or, for that matter, Texas.I don t say that to put Robbie down; he was handsome, in a cityway, with his hair gelled up and a pair of skinny jeans that could haveput my best pair of Wranglers to shame hey, I didn t say that thosestereotypes were all wrong; I just meant all of us aren t like that all thetime.He looked gay, and again, not in a bad way.He wasn t acting likea girl or carrying himself effeminately.Robbie was obviously gay anddidn t care who knew.Frankly, it scared the shit out of me because it was everything Iwas not.40 John Goode Hi, I said, extending my hand. I m Tyler.I went to school withRiley.He paused for a second before shaking my hand. Of course youdid.I looked at Riley, confused; he was shaking his head andlaughing. Robbie is under the impression they put something in thewater around here.Robbie hit Riley s chest and looked back at me. I m serious! Ifeel like I ve walked into a goddamned Abercrombie and Fitchcommercial.Were there any normal-looking guys in your highschool? Um& yes? I said, not sure how to answer. It s no wonder half of you are freakin gay, he said, stompingoff toward the bar. You guys look like you re all underwear models ona break. He swung open the bar door and music spilled out into thenight.The parking lot was almost too quiet after he slammed the doorbehind him, closing the music back in. Well, he s nice, I said hesitantly.Riley laughed and slapped me on the back and walked alongsideme, shepherding me toward the door. He s still adjusting to Foster.Icall it the Green Acres syndrome.I so wanted to find someone topretend to have a talking pig, but no one would play along.I had known Riley all through high school.I mean, we weren tbest friends, but we hung around the same crowd so I thought I knewhim pretty well.But this guy was someone completely different.Hewas open, expressive, laughing&.And then it hit me. You re happy, aren t you? I asked him before we walked in thedoor. This whole coming-out thing, it s made you that happy?He stopped and thought about it for a moment. You know, Iam, he answered with enthusiasm. I don t know how much of it hasto do with me being head over heels for Robbie, but a weight lifted offme once I came out.I don t look over my shoulder.I don t editeverything that comes out of my mouth.I mean, I don t feel like I macting different; I just know I can be myself.What Riley said surprised me, because I was expecting him to sayhe was happy because he was with someone, but I could tell it was Taking Chances 41more than that.This was who Riley was, the real Riley, and that wassomebody no one but Robbie had met or talked to or known beforehe d come out.Riley was happy.Those three words were like a cold bucket of water being thrownin my face, dispelling the multitude of fears that hovered around me.Which, of course, made me think: who the hell was the realTyler?LINDA pushed her empty toward the center of the table. Well, if youdon t think Robbie is an asshole, I d hate to see how you react tosomeone you really don t like.I ignored the barb, knowing she was fishing for me to commentmore on the subject, but I couldn t.I wasn t ready to go there yet, noteven in my mind. So what is the final decision on Matt Wallace? she asked,getting up and putting her coat on. Oh, leave me alone, I whined and then instantly hated myselffor doing it. So that s a typical Parker I refuse to make a choice until myback is up against a wall with no time left and even then I will find away to make a half choice instead of just doing what I really want to doanyway. Got it
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