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.“And mine too, for my sins.There were enough times when I thought you were my punishment for what I had done.”“You killed an innocent child,” Gwen said, flatly.Somehow, she would have been happier knowing that she had been adopted.“What sort of punishment do you think you deserve?”“What sort of life do you think the child would have had?” Lady Mary demanded.“A known bastard” – Gwen had never heard her mother use any such word before – “in a society that blames the child for the sins of the parent! He would have been isolated, unable to grow and develop.if I’d kept him.If not, I would have had to hand him over to someone else to raise and I couldn’t bear the thought of giving him up.”“So you killed him instead,” Gwen said.“You could have given him to one of the servants to raise.”“I would have had to see him as a servant, or else favour him,” Lady Mary said.“Do you not remember the Duke of Holdernesse?”Gwen winced.The Duke had had an affair with one of his chambermaids, eventually getting her pregnant.She’d died in childbirth, but he’d kept the boy, even though he could never have acknowledged him as a heir.And then he’d married a respectable woman and had a legitimate heir.until the day his bastard son’s jealousy had got the better of him.The Duke’s happy life had died along with his wife and younger son.Polite Society had gossiped for months afterwards.And even if Lady Mary had given the unborn child the benefit of the doubt, she would still have had to explain her pregnancy to Lord Rudolf.He would have known that the newborn baby wasn’t his child.“I should tell everyone,” Gwen snapped.Her mother’s pale face went completely white.“Why not? You had a child killed because keeping him around would have exposed you.”“I had no choice,” Lady Mary insisted.“I.”“You gave up that choice when you let someone else into your bed,” Gwen snapped back, angrily.Or had her mother been as ignorant as Gwen herself? Lady Mary had never read books her mother had forbidden her to read.She might well not have realised that she could get pregnant until it was far too late.“Didn’t you even think about the possible consequences?”“I was young and in love,” Lady Mary said.She looked up at Gwen, eyes pleading for understanding.“Don’t you understand why I sheltered you so much? I didn’t want you to have to make the same choice!”Lady Bracknell might have been the same, Gwen thought.If she hadn’t been so controlling, her daughter would never have written such compromising letters.and ended up being blackmailed by Howell.And if Gwen hadn’t scared so many possible suitors, would she have given herself to someone and ended up compromised herself.“You would have driven me into rebellion,” Gwen said, harshly.“If Master Thomas hadn’t come for me.”“Your place in society was destroyed,” Lady Mary said.“You can never be part of Polite Society.”Gwen started to laugh.“Why would I want to be part of Polite Society?” She demanded.“How much of it is even polite?”Her mother stared at her.Lady Mary had always defined her place in life by her position in society, rising up when she married Lord Rudolf, falling down when her daughter proved to be a magician.To her, a place in society – the chance to determine fashion and look down on those below her - was what made life worth living.It was a validation of her self-worth.But Gwen would never have that, not even if she wanted it.Polite Society would prefer not to deal with the Royal Sorceress at all.The only person who might be close to her position was a Ruling Queen, a woman sitting in a man’s chair and wielding power as a man.Queen Elizabeth’s success had come from her refusal to marry, knowing that it would dilute her power.Queen Mary of England and Mary of Scotland had both weakened their positions when they married, even though they had needed to provide heirs.That, at least, wasn’t something Gwen had to worry about.“There were hundreds of files in Howell’s safe, mother,” she said.“Hundreds of names, some of them familiar, some of them famous.How many others in Polite Society have dark secrets like yours? All you really do is conceal your own sins and ruthlessly work over those unfortunate enough to have their sins revealed, hoping that it will save you from your own mistakes
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