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.The gynecologist that examined me was concerned, said I showed massive internal scaring, he…he questioned me about it, of course, you know me I wouldn’t give anything up, but I was concerned, you know.So I made an appointment with the nurse, told her very briefly that I was abused as a child and asked if it would affect me having children.She said in most cases it’s psychological problems that actually prevent the woman from conceiving, but you know me, I stamped my feet and demanded an internal scan.” I squint as I remember the internal examination.“They examined me, scanned me and took x-rays.” I stare down at my twisted fingers.“The doctor told me that he’s never seen internal scarring like it.” I feel the tears start bubbling up to the surface, my vision becoming more blurry.“He said my chances were one in a million of conceiving, and that if I wanted children, I should look into adoption.” I sniff loudly, and swipe at the silent tears, feeling angry that I'm crying again.“It’s not so much I can't have them, because I actually think that everyone should adopt or at least foster one child.Especially when you hear about how many couples are desperate for kids and spend thousands on fertility treatment when there are millions of kids out there that are desperate for a good home, for loving parents.It’s more the fact that they took that option away from me you know, that’s the part that hurts the most,” I manage to croak out.The tears start rolling down my cheeks, thick and heavy, one after the other, dropping like rainfall.I try to fight it, to get angry about it instead of tearful, but it’s too late.I let out a strangled sob.“Baby, oh baby…” Tristan crushes me into him, wrapping his arms tightly around me.I’ve never allowed myself to really let it in before, what it meant to have that honour taken away from me, and for the first time in my life, I cry like I’ve never cried before about it.Tristan rocks me gently, keeping his arms securely wrapped around me.“I'm so sorry baby,” he whispers over and over again which makes me cry even harder, long cathartic sobs.I finally let it all out; everything – I cry for what my parents did, my sister, my abusers; the guy who raped me, I cry so hard I don't think I'm going to be able to stop, it feels like it’s a lifetime of unshed tears coming out in one go.I don't know how long we sit there for, but Tristan doesn’t move an inch, he just cradles me in his arms and I fall deeper in love with him than I ever have before.And I know in that moment of complete vulnerability, that he’s the one, my soul-mate; and that I'm going to marry him, sooner rather than later.I WAKE UP IN OUR BED.The first thing I see is Tristan gazing down at me.He’s sitting cross legged next to me and he’s in his sweats and a t-shirt, looking fresh and clean.He’s evidently showered as his hair is still wet, and he smells divine.Reaching down to me, he softly strokes my cheek.“Hey beautiful,” he softly says.“Hi,” I croak and close my eyes to the feeling of his hand touching me.I feel so lucky to be with such a sweet and attentive man, then I realise something.My eyes dart open.“Were you watching me sleep?” I whisper.“Yes.” He answers firmly.“Why?” I choke incredulously.Tristan’s eyes darken and he leans down to me, his face inches from mine.“Because I wanted to,” he tells me firmly.“Did you sleep ok?” He adds his voice a worried whisper.I narrow my eyes at him.“Why would you ask that?” Tristan’s brows pull together and he shakes his head slightly-Maybe I should move on?I stretch out then wrap my arms around him.“What time is it?” I whisper, staring out at the night sky.“Half past nine,” he says.“How did I get up here?” I question looking up at him.“I carried you of course,” he chuckles sarcastically.I chuckle back.“What?” I say, seeing the look on his face.“Well it was either that, or I used magic, or I have a teleporter device secretly hidden somewhere,” he answers dryly.“Oh ha, ha,” I banter back.“Thank you,” I add.“For what?” he asks his eyebrows knitting together.“Everything…” I breathe.“Everything?” He questions, his head cocked to the side.I nod solemnly at him.He smiles his sweet boyish smile at me.“Want me to run you a bath?” he asks sweetly.“Yes please, that would be nice,” I say gazing up at him.“I’ll go get it started,” he says, leaning down he pecks me on the lips, then walks across the bedroom to the bathroom.I hear the bath start to fill, and a gorgeous, sweet scent starts to fill the room.I get up off the bed and pad into the bathroom to find out what it is.Tristan is leaning over the bath, pouring something into it.He suddenly turns and sees me watching him, feeling awkward and geeky in his work shirt, I smile shyly at him.“Hey,” I whisper.He smiles sweetly at me, then stands and walks over to me.“I got this for you,” he says passing me a large, heavy, red bottle with Champneys written across the front.“I was going to give it to you earlier…” His lips set into a hard line and he turns away from me.“Tristan,” I pull on his hand, he turns and looks down at me with big wide eyes.“Are you ok?” I ask.He stares down at me for the longest time.“Getting there,” he finally says.I nod and stare down at the floor.A part of me wishes he didn’t know, but the other part is glad it’s over, that it’s out there.I can only wait and see what he does with it.“Thank you,” I gush.“For being so patient, so kind and loving with me,” I whisper.He closes his eyes for a moment, I think in annoyance, when he opens them they are blazing brightly for me
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