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. What do you mean, I should stay with you? You aren t involvedin this? No, no, I m totally involved here, and I ll stay with you, if that swhat you want. James had a feeling he wasn t presenting this quiteright.Had the feeling he was steering things off course, helpless tocorrect.If only this was just a bad training exercise. What about what you want? Matt looked pissed.His mouth wasin a tight line, and he was leaning on his crutches, gripping them until266 Anne Teninohis knuckles were white.Whiter.His brow started to wrinkle in angerand confusion. I want to stay with you.If you want it.I m just wondering ifthat s what s best.For you. What about what s best for you?They were going around in circles here. I don t want to talk about that.There s too much pressure there.Imean, I m gonna be working with you at QESA, and I just want you toknow we don t necessarily have to work together, stay together, unlessthat s what we both want.I talked to Lance about it last night.James saw a flash of hurt on Matt s face before he hid it underanger.His jaw was clenching, and he spoke through his teeth. Youtalked to my grandfather about this?Uh-oh.Bad move? Damn, this was not going well at all.He wasan idiot without his implant. Well, yeah.I mean, he s my boss too,right? You talked to him about us? Still with the clenched teeth. No! Just, you know, whether we had to work as a team if wedidn t, you know&. No.I don t know.Why don t you spell it out for me? Matt svoice was suddenly overly solicitous.James wracked his brain for whatthat could mean.He was coming up blank, but he was sure it wasn tgood.Jesus, the guy was starting to piss him off. If we break up, hesaid baldly. Were we together?James knew he hadn t managed to keep the shock off his face. Ithought so, he said quietly through numb lips. I didn t mean it, Matt said just as quietly. We were together,James.Were together? 18% Gray 267 It just sounds like you aren t interested in keeping us togethernow.Like you re trying to talk me into dumping you.James s voice came out louder this time, much louder. I don tknow if being with me is what s best for you.Jesus, can t you see? I vebeen trying to tell you, Matt, but it s like you aren t hearing.I want tobe with you, but I don t have the foggiest fucking idea how you feelabout that.I know you like me, and you like the sex. He snorted inagreement with himself. And I know you wanted to get me out ofIdaho; it s your job.But I don t know anything else, Matt.You shutyour mind off from me unless we re fucking! Why wouldn t I want to be with you, James? I m a fucking liability with a mutant alien brain, Matt.I could gonuclear at any time.Our own fucking government sees me as a scienceproject, and you can bet if Idaho knows I exist other Red states aregoing to start coming up with the intel eventually.I don t want to eversee you shot again! It was my leg.My artificial leg. He sounded like he was tryingto be soothing.James started seeing red. Not when that SAIA hit you! You didn t say any of this, then. Now he sounded annoyed.Good. I didn t l-like you so much, then. That was a lame reply.Jamesscowled at himself. So you don t want to stay with me. I do.Are you fucking deaf? You sure as fuck don t sound like it! You keep trying to tell mewhy we shouldn t be together, James.Why the fuck would I stay withyou?James was stunned.His brilliant mouth had just talked him out ofa boyfriend.The boyfriend.The One.Jesus, he was an idiot. I need you, he admitted hoarsely. I told you, you own me.You re in control.But I need you to need me, to let me feel it, he wenton.Might as well make a complete fool of himself while he was on a268 Anne Teninoroll.He stared into Matt s eyes, but there was nothing there.Just blank.He didn t say a word.Well, that was that, then.It was almost painful standing there looking at Matt in the sun.His hair was still long on top, wheat-pale, but his mom must havetrimmed it sometime, and he d shaved.James imagined if he put hishand on the back of Matt s neck and pulled him in, he d feel the freshprickles there on his skin, tickling his palm.He wanted to brush his lipsagainst that spot and nip at Matt s spine, watching those goose bumpssweep his back as he pushed slowly into the almost painful tightness ofMatt s ass.But apparently Matt wasn t sure if that s what he wanted.Any ofit the making love or the needing.And James wanted out now if thatwas the case
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