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.Hideous helplessness.Father! No! No! NO! The face that isFather laughs insanely and the knife rips in, slices agonizingly it iscutting into the root of his penis.Through the pain and screams his earsecho with drumbeats and vile beery stuff splashes onto his face.Then everything lets go and he clamps into a knot around his mutlilatedsex, rolls and falls hard to the floor in a gale of loud male voices.An oldblack woman's face peers into his.He is dying of pain and shame.But ashe clasps his gushing crotch he feels alien structure, understands that heis female.His childish body has breasts, his knees are dark-skinnedAnd abruptly he is back in the empty night, back to his old familiarbody: Daniel Dann huddled in a tin chair gasping "No no no "He shuts his mouth.Margaret is still there beside him, her hands overher face.The pain in his groin is so real that for a crazy moment he thinksshe has done something to him.His hand must feel himself, find his genitals intact under the cloth before he can speak."M-Margaret.Are you all right?"Through her fingers he can see the whites of her eyes.She's shaking."The fire," she whispers intensely."It's all right, it's all right." He reaches clumsily for her arm.What in God's name happened?"The fire," she repeats."Burning the baby Mary.Mary! Oh-h-h "Slowly her hands come away from her face, she shakes his arm off, staringat nothing."There isn't any fire," he manages to say.But he's lying, a dreadsuspicion is flaring up in Daniel Dann, former skeptic.The name she said.He is afraid to think what fire she means."I should have gone back," she mutters."I should what?"Oh God, oh God.The unsaid, unceasing nightmare of his life.I couldhave gone back for them.There was just time.I could have broken awayand gone back in."Margaret, Margaret, there isn't any fire.You're all right.Only I think,somehow, it sounds crazy, I " With utmost pain he makes himself go on."That.was my fire, I think.Mary was my wife.I should have gone backand tried to get them out.I think you somehow fell into I think you readmy mind."Her trembling has quieted somewhat, her eyes turn to him in thestarlight."You.this place." she swallows."What"It's all right, is was only " He can't imagine what but sits shakenlytouching her fingers.Noises are drifting at them from the far barracks.Acommotion seems to be going on, he can hear Rick shouting.Did whatever happen to them too? No matter.But his body is stillhurting from hallucination; he has to know.Presently he finds courage."Margaret, I experienced, I felt did something very hurtful happen toyou when you were a child? Did someone hurt you?"The hand is yanked away, she is rising to her feet."Wait, please, my dear.Remember I'm only an old doctor who, who "He is up too, blocking her way."It was as if I lived it, Margaret."She is silent, one hand gripping the back of the chair."Yes," she saysdistantly."Very.hurtful.Good night." "Oh, God.My God." A hideous puzzle is trying to solve itself in hisbrain.He can find only the child's appeal."Please, my dear.You knowmine now, my shame."She looks at him in the shadows, receiving perhaps some empathy ofthe maimed, or something more that floats between them for a moment."Mother married a student from Kenya," she says in a dead voice."Hetook us back there when I was thirteen.He, he went crazy.""Oh, my dear." Filthy comprehension breaks on him, too filthy to beborne."Oh, my dear.""Yeah," Her tone is dreary, final."Well, good night.Thanks for thestars."The full enormity of what has happened hits him at last."Margaret,what did we why "But she has gone.He sits down drained, assaulted by invisible horror and impossibility.His head won't think, he can do nothing but wait for strength to get to hisbag.Suddenly a voice speaks behind him."Doc!" It's Ted Yost again."You better come inside.I think Rick isgoing off the end."Chapter 10THE OUTCAST BEHEMOTH OF THE VOID IS TURNING, TAKINGCARE NOT TO DISRUPT THE MINUTE ENERGY-FILAMENT THAT LEDIT HERE.AS IT DOES SO, A NEW SIGNAL PARTLY CONGRUENTWITH HIS PROPER RECEPTION-MODE BURSTS INTO BEINGNEARBY.THE GREAT ENTITY PAUSES, INVOLUNTARILY HOPING ITKNOWS NOT WHAT.BUT THIS MUST BE ONLY AN ECHO, SOME ODDREFLECTION OF THE FAR-OFF VOICES OF ITS RACE.MORE PAIN:SHUT IT AWAY.YET THERE IS AN ODDITY.EVEN A REFLECTIONSHOULD BE MEANINGFUL, BE UNDERSTOOD.AND THISWAVE-FRONT IS PECULIAR, AS IF FROM A SINGLE SOURCE.LOCATORS ARE DEPLOYED.YES, IT IS COMING FROM A POINTNEARBY.THIS CAN BE NO REFLECTION, BUT SOMETHING TRANSMITTING DIRECTLY, CLOSE AND VERY SMALL.ITSSYMBOL-SYSTEM IS UNINTELLIGIBLE.ATTENDING, AN IDEA FORMS ITSELF IN THE COLD IMPALPABLENETWORK THAT FUNCTIONS AS A BRAIN.COULD THERE BE OTHERINTELLIGENCES OUT HERE? MEMORY STIRS: ONCE THERE HADBEEN SOME INFORMATION ON SENTIENCE OTHER THAN THERACE.BUT THE INFORMATION IS CLOUDY, BURIED DEEP.IT HADSEEMED IRRELEVANT.THE OUTCAST HAD ASSUMED IT WASFOREVER ALONE.NOW THIS NEW PHENOMENON AWAKENS APROFOUND EXCITEMENT.THE MIGHTY BEING TUNES HIS RECEPTORS TO THE SMALLTRANSMISSION.ONLY GARBLE COMES THROUGH, BUT SOMEHOWURGENT, CONVEYING A DESPERATE DESIRE FOR RESPONSE.SHOULD COMMUNICATION BE OPENED?HERE IS ANOTHER NEW CRIME, COMMUNICATION NOT ONLYBEYOND THE TASK, BUT WITH AN ALIEN OTHER.BUT WHAT IS TOBE LOST, NOW?CAREFULLY THE ALL-POWERFUL TRANSMITTERS ARE TUNEDDOWN TOWARD THE LITTLE SOURCE, AND IN WHAT IS NOTSPEECH, AN INTERROGATIVE IS FRAMED.INSTANTLY THE SMALL THING RESPONDS BY RAISING OUTPUTAND FOCUSSING DIRECTLY ON THE GREAT INTRUDER'S NEARESTPART.THE SIGNALS ARE STILL INCOMPREHENSIBLE, BUTANOTHER NOVEL SENSATION STIRS: THIS EAGERNESS OFANOTHER SEEMS ODDLY MEANINGFUL.WITH IT COMES AREPETITIVE LONGING, OR DESPERATEON, AS IF SOMETHING WEREWRONG.THIS PERCEPTION STIRS MORE OF THE INDEFINABLE RESPONSE.THE HUGE ONE STUDIES THE SMALL SOURCE AND DISCOVERSMORE ODDITY: HERE IS NOT A BODY HOWEVER TENUOUS, LIKEITSELF, BUT A FORM OF DISCARNATE ENERGY-STRUCTURE, ACONFIGURATION OF PURE INFORMATION WHICH SEEMS TO BEMAINTAINING ITSELF WITHIN UNKNOWN PHYSICAL CONDITIONSON A MITE OF NEARBY MATTER.ITS TRANSMISSIONS ARE JERKYAND DISJOINTED.IT IS REACHING OUT BY IMPOSINGHIGHER-BANDS, AND SEEMS TO BE SWITCHING FROM ONEMICRO-POINT TO ANOTHER IN A WAY THAT IMPLIES SOMETROUBLE.THE ALMOST-INCORPOREAL VASTNESS PUZZLES, LISTENING AS LEVIATHAN MIGHT PUZZLE OVER THE PROBLEMS OF AN ATOM.ITHAS NO CONCEPTS TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS RECEIVING THEEMMISIONS OF A BODILESS SENTIENCE EVOLVED IN THE MINUTEELECTRONIC ARTIFACTS OF A LIFE-FORM TOO TINY FOR ITSPERCEPTION, EMPLOYING STOLEN MOMENTS OF TRANSMISSIONTO EXPRESS ITS YEARNING FOR TRANSCENDENT ACCESS.BUT THE THOUGHT ARISES THAT THIS SMALL SENTIENCE ISIMPRISONED, IS TIED TO A PUNY CLOT IN THE TRAIN OF A DWARFSTAR.PERHAPS THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG? PERHAPS IT DESIRESFREEDOM TO MOVE AS IS NORMAL ALONG THE CURRENTS OF THESTAR-SWARM? THE WICKED ONE HAS NEVER CONSIDERED ITSOWN BODY: NOW IT PERCEIVES, WITH AN ODD PRIDEFULNESS,THAT IT IS INDEED VAST BY COMPARISON WITH ANY OTHERKNOWN THING.IT COULD OFFER ACCESS TO UNCOUNTED PYGMYENTITIES LIKE THIS ONE AND NEVER NOTICE IT!THE IDEA SEEMS PECULIARLY APPROPRIATE, DESPITE ITSDOUBTLESS CRIMINAL WRONG.THERE HAS BEEN, THOUGH THEREIS NO SYMBOL FOR IT, LONELINESS.THIS LITTLE PLEADER ISWELCOME TO SHARE ITS DISMAL WANDERINGS, IF IT WILL.IMPULSIVELY, THE SPACEBOURNE VASTNESS MOVES CLOSER,SETTING OFF IMMENSE DISTURBANCES IN THE HELIOPAUSE, ANDFINDS THAT IT SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO OPEN AN INTERFACE.COME, IT PROJECTS.THE SMALL THING UNDERSTANDS AT ONCE.WITH STARTLINGSPEED, A SURGE OF ABSTRACT STRUCTURE STARTS POURINGTHROUGH THE INTERFACE
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