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."He stopped suddenly, the words dying away in his throat.His face froze in stunned recognition."Oh, myGod!" he whispered softly.His head shook slowly from side to side."Oh, my God! It's that damn catalogue fantasyland, isn't it?" Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlBen didn't answer him for a moment, undecided as to whether he should.He had intended to keepLandover a secret.He had intended to say nothing of it to anyone."Miles, sit back down, will you?" he said finally."Sit down? How in God's name do you expect me to sit down after.?"Just sit the hell down, Miles!" Ben cut his friend short.Miles went still, held his position a momentlonger, then sank slowly back into his chair.The stunned look stayed on his florid face.Now it was Ben who leaned forward.His face was hard."We've been together a long time, Miles asfriends and partners both.We know a lot about each other.Most of it we've learned from experiencesshared.But we don't know everything about each other because that's not possible.No two humanbeings can know everything about each other, even under the best of circumstances.That's why certainthings we do always remain a mystery to everyone else."He cocked his head."Remember the times you've warned me about backing away from a case becausethere was something not quite right about it? Remember, Miles? Drop that case, you'd tell me.It's badnews.It's a loser.Drop it.Sometimes I'd do it.I'd agree with you and I'd drop it.But sometimes Iwouldn't.Sometimes I'd take the case anyway, and I'd tell you I was taking it because it felt right to me.You'd go along with that decision even though you didn't agree with it and you really didn't understandit.But you trusted me to take the chance, didn't you?"He paused."Well, that's what I'm asking you to do now.You can't understand and you won't agree.Sojust put all that aside and trust me."Miles' eyes shifted to the desk top and up again."Doc, you're talking a million dollars here!"Ben shook his head slowly."No, I'm not.I'm talking about saving myself.Miles.I'm talking aboutsomething that doesn't have a price tag.""But this is.crazy!" Miles' hands gripped the edge of the desk top until the knuckles were white."Thisis irresponsible! It's just plain stupid, damn it!""I don't see it that way.""You don't? Shucking off your professional responsibilities, your life's work? Going off to live in a castleand fight dragons assuming there are any and you're not simply getting fleeced? No TV, no Bearsgames, no Wrigley Field, no cold beer, no goddamn electricity or showers with hot water or indoortoilets or anything? Leaving behind your home and your friends and.Jesus Christ, Doc!""Just think of it as an extended camping trip the kind where you get away from it all.""Great! A million-dollar camping trip!""My mind is made up on this, Miles.""Off to some godforsaken.""My mind is made up!" Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlThe hard edge to his voice left them both shaken.They stared at each other in silence for a moment,feeling the distance between them widening as if a chasm had opened.Then Ben rose and came quicklyaround the desk.Miles rose as well.Ben put a hand on his shoulder and gripped it."If I don't do something, Miles, I'm going to lose myself," he whispered."It may take a few months oreven a year, but in the end I'm going to slip into the cracks and be gone.I can't let that happen."His friend looked at him wordlessly, sighed and nodded."It's your life, Doc.I can't tell you how to liveit.I never could." He squared himself."Will you at least take a few days to think about this some more?That's not asking too much, is it?"Ben smiled wearily."I've already thought it through a hundred different ways.That's enough.I'm all donethinking."Miles shook his head."Guess a blind man could tell that, couldn't he?""I'm going to tell the others now.I'd appreciate it if you'd keep what you know to yourself.""Sure.Why not? Why let anybody else know that the leading light of the firm is deranged?" He gave Bena final glance, shrugged and turned toward the office door."You're nuts, Doc."Ben followed him out."Yeah, I'll miss you, too, Miles." He called the staff together then and told them ofhis plans for a leave of absence from the firm.He told them of his need to get away from his present life,the city, the practice, everything familiar; he told them that he would be leaving in the next few weeks andthat he might be gone for better than a year.There was stunned silence and then a flurry of questions.Heanswered them all patiently.Then he left and went home.He never mentioned Landover to any of them.Neither did Miles.It took him the better part of three weeks to put his affairs in order.Most of that time was spent in tyingup the loose ends of his law practice communicating with clients, clearing his court calendar, andreassigning his case load.The transition was difficult.The staff had accepted his decision with stoicresolve, but there was an undercurrent of dissatisfaction in their looks and conversation that he could notmistake.They felt that he was deserting them, bailing out.And truth be told, he was feeling a bitambivalent about that possibility himself.On the one hand, the loosening of ties with the firm and hisprofession gave him a newfound sense of freedom and relief.He felt as if he were escaping a trap as ifhe were beginning his life all over again with a chance to discover things he had missed the first timearound.On the other hand, there were undeniable twinges of uncertainty and regret at letting go of whathe had spent the better part of his adult life building for himself.There was that sense of abandoning thefamiliar for the unknown that characterizes all journeys made for the first time.Still, he could come back whenever he chose, he reminded himself.There was really nothing permanentin any of this at least, not yet.So he went about the business at hand and tried not to think about the ambivalent feelings, but the morehe tried not to think about them, the more he did, and in the end he gave up on it altogether and acceptedthat it was inevitable.He let the feelings buffet and rage within him, let the doubts and the uncertaintiesgnaw, and found that he gained a certain measure of strength by being able to withstand them.He hadmade his decision; he found now that he could live with it. Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlThe three weeks came to an end and he had completed the transition at the firm.He was free of hisprofessional obligations, free to pursue whatever other paths he might choose to follow
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